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Identifying A Grandiose Narcissist

Author: Florida Women's Law Group
Date: Jan 10 2022

Identifying a Grandiose Narcissist

The first thought that comes to mind when thinking of a narcissist is usually someone that is very vain and focused solely on themselves.  These can be traits they possess but it also goes much further and is more devious and covert then you may think.  Most women who are married to a narcissist are not even aware that it is happening to them.  Narcissists are so good at manipulation and protecting themselves, they live behind a mask that rarely comes down.

There are several types of narcissism, the most prevalent are grandiose and vulnerable.  The grandiose narcissist is the one that is closer to what most people think of when thinking of a narcissist.  They have an inflated sense of self, think they are entitled, self-absorbed and have little regard for anyone else.  The second is a vulnerable narcissist and they are shy, hypersensitive and believe that their suffering is worse than anyone else’s.

In this blog post we are going to focus on the grandiose narcissist and how to identify them.  Next week we will go more in-depth with the vulnerable narcissist. Many of the traits that once attracted you to your grandiose narcissist partner may be the exact ones that feed their narcissism.  They are usually very confident, attractive, charming, outgoing and successful.  In the courting stage they will shower you with flattery and attention but that stops once you are married and then compliments and adoration only comes when there is an audience.  Does this sound familiar?   Here are ways to identify if your spouse is a narcissist.

Overly concerned with image and what other’s think of them.  Narcissists are obsessed with how they look and how they are perceived.  They want to be admired by everyone and want people to envy you, your children, your home, and everything in between.  They present to the world that their life is perfect regardless of what goes on in private.  They will expect you to always look your best, well-dressed, hair fixed and make-up on.  This will extend to your children and home as well; everything must appear to be perfect.

Constant need for attention and praise.  Narcissists must always be the center of attention and are bored if things are not about them.  A narcissist suffers from low self-esteem and is always looking for ways to boost their ego and get compliments and praise.  They thrive on being the smartest, funniest, richest, or most successful person in the room.  If they perceive that there is someone that has more than them, they will be quick to criticize them, the event, and other people there.  Of course, you must agree that your spouse is better than anyone and that you agree whole-heartedly with their assessments of anyone else.

Must always be in control.  Because they have such an inflated sense of self, they must be in control of you and the household.  They are the smartest person in the room after all, at least according to them!  In addition to telling you how you should look and behave they also dictate all holidays and vacations.  Everything will be about them, what they want to do and the image they project to the world.  Strict financial control is big too, they will oversee all accounts and you will have to run all expenses and purchases through them.  This applies as well if you work and contribute to the income.  These rules do not apply to them however, they can spend money on whatever they want.

You are isolated from friends and family.  To keep you dependent on them and to maintain control they will destroy your other relationships.  They will tell you that your friends are not good enough for you, that your parents and siblings are not supportive, and coworkers are jealous.  They are such good manipulators that you will believe them and soon you will have no outside relationships and your sole focus will be them and keeping them happy.

They are never at fault.  A narcissist can do nothing wrong.  On the rare occasion that they did make a mistake or behaved badly it was not because of them but because of something someone else did that made them act a certain way.  They have zero accountability for their actions because they truly believe they have no faults.

Gaslighting is their specialty.  They are so good at lying and manipulating that they will have you questioning your own sanity.  They will tell you things or deny things that you know are true to the extent that you doubt yourself and think you are losing your mind.  They can tell you that the sky is green even though you clearly see it is blue and by the end of the conversation you will question why you ever thought it was blue in the first place.  This is all to destroy your self-esteem and keep your focus on them and their needs.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is extremely difficult and the wife often feels like she is walking on eggshells and constantly trying to make her spouse happy or else suffer their wrath.  Your self-confidence is so low that you feel hopeless and alone. 

There is a way to successfully get out of a marriage to a narcissist.  The most important step is to have a plan.  It is not easy to divorce a narcissist but with proper planning it can be done.  At Florida Women’s Law Group, we have experience dealing with narcissists and know how to beat them at their own game.  We can help you successfully get out of this relationship and start a healthier and happier life.

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Florida Women’s Law Group