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Florida Women's Law Group

Identifying A Narcissist

Author: FWLG
Date: Mar 01 2021

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A narcissist is a master of manipulation, gaslighting and telling lies that make you question your own sanity.  They are so good at what they do that you may not even realize it is happening until one day you find you have totally lost yourself because his needs are always first.  There is more to a narcissist than just being self-absorbed and being in a relationship with them is extremely difficult and leads to traumatic emotional abuse.

Many of the traits that once attracted you to your partner may be the exact ones that feed their narcissism.  They are usually very confident, attractive, charming, outgoing and successful.  In the courting stage they will shower you with flattery and attention but that stops once you are married and then compliments and adoration only comes when there is an audience.  Does this sound familiar?   Here are ways to identify if your husband is a narcissist.

Overly concerned with image and what other’s think of him.  Narcissists are obsessed with how they look and how they are perceived.  He wants to be admired by everyone and he wants people to envy you, your children, your home and everything in between.  He must present to the world that his life is perfect regardless of what goes on in private.  He will expect you to look your best all the time, well-dressed, hair fixed and make-up on.  This will extend to your children and home as well; everything must appear to be perfect.

Constant need for attention and praise.  Narcissists must always be the center of attention and are bored if things are not about them.  A narcissist suffers from low self-esteem and is always looking for ways to boost their ego and get compliments and praise.  He loves being the smartest, funniest, richest or most successful person in the room.  If he perceives that there is someone that has more than him, he will be quick to criticize them, the event and other people there.  Of course, you must agree that your husband is better than anyone and that you agree whole-heartedly with his assessments.

Must always be in control.  Because he has such an inflated sense of self, he must be in control of you and the household.  He is the smartest person in the room after all, at least according to him!  In addition to telling you how you should look and behave he will also dictate all holidays and vacations.  Everything will be about him, what he wants to do and the image he projects to the world.  Strict financial control is big too, he will oversee all accounts and you will have to run all expenses and purchases through him.  This applies as well if you work and contribute to the income.  These rules do not apply to him however, he can spend money on whatever he wants.

You are isolated from friends and family.  To keep you dependent on him and to maintain control he will destroy your other relationships.  He will tell you that your friends are not good enough for you, that your parents and siblings are not supportive and coworkers are jealous.  He is such a good manipulator that you will believe him and soon you will have no outside relationships and your sole focus will be him and keeping him happy.

They are never at fault.  A narcissist can do nothing wrong.  On the rare occasion that he did make a mistake or behaved badly it was not because of him but because of something someone else did.  He has zero accountability for his actions because he truly believes he has no faults.

Gaslighting is their specialty.  He is so good at lying and manipulating that he will make you think you are crazy.  He will tell you things or deny things that you know are true to the extent that you doubt yourself and think you are losing your mind.  He can tell you that the sky is green even though you clearly see it is blue and by the end of the conversation you will question why you ever thought it was blue in the first place.  This is all to destroy your self-esteem and keep your focus on him and his needs.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is extremely difficult and the wife often feels like she is walking on eggshells and constantly trying to make her husband happy or else suffer his wrath.  Self-confidence is so low that you feel hopeless and alone.  There is a way to successfully get out of a marriage to a narcissist.  The most important step is to have a plan.  It is not easy to divorce a narcissist but with proper planning it can be done.

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