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Florida Women's Law Group

Reinventing Yourself After Divorce

Author: Florida Women's Law Group
Date: Aug 27 2021

8 Tips to Help Reinvent Yourself After Divorce

The papers have all been signed, assets divided, negotiations made, and parenting plans agreed upon.  You are officially divorced.  Now what?  You probably have a host of emotions that you are experiencing, sadness, anxiety, joy, anger, fear and maybe a little relief.  It’s time to take what you have experienced and learned from that relationship and get ready for your new life.

We know that divorce is hard, whether you wanted or not, it is hard to leave a relationship and a partner and start new.  As it ends you are likely going to experience a divorce hangover as you mourn your marriage and the life you used to have with your spouse.  It’s important to take time to heal yourself and adjust to your new normal.  You may feel like you will never feel better and that you will never be able to move on.  This isn’t true, you will feel better, and you will move on and have a happy life.  As you come out of your post-divorce fog, it’s time to embrace change and find what makes you happy. 

Here are 8 tips on how to reinvent yourself after divorce.

1.  Learn About Yourself

Marriage is about compromise and that means sometimes giving up things that were important to you or defined yourself that you enjoyed to make a partnership.  Now that you are single again it’s time to reevaluate yourself, what makes you happy, what are you interested in and who have you become.  If you were married for a long time, chances are you were very young when you were last on your own.  Your life experiences and maturity have probably changed how you view the world and what is important to you now.  Take some time to reflect and discover who you are and where you want to be.

2,  Redecorate Your Space

If you stayed in your marital home a good way to start fresh is to make some changes to your space.  Get rid of the things that remind you of your ex, buy a new bed, refresh your linens and towels and paint rooms new colors.  You no longer have to share a closet so spread out!  Try a new decorating scheme, one that brings you joy when you walk in the front door.  If you moved to a new space this is the perfect opportunity to put your personal stamp on the place.  Decorate it to your taste and buy some new furniture that doesn’t hold memories of your old life to help you move on.

3.  Change Your Look

This is the time to make some changes to your appearance or shake up your wardrobe.  Try a new hairstyle or color, go to the makeup counter and update your techniques, get contacts or change the frames to your glasses.  It doesn’t have to be something major; it could be just a simple thing to make you feel like a new person. 

Evaluate your closet and get rid of clothes that don’t fit or don’t make you feel good when you wear them.  If that sweater that makes you feel frumpy isn’t in your closet, you won’t put it on.  Take stock of what you have and then go out and buy some new pieces to make you feel more confident and empowered.  Enlist the help of a stylish friend or book an appointment with a personal stylist.  At most department stores a personal stylist is free to use and they can show you pieces you might not have tried without them.

4.  Start an Exercise Routine

Now that you are single, you have more time to focus on yourself.  Incorporate exercise into your daily routine.  It not only helps you get healthier and get in shape but it’s also a great way to boost your mood.  Moving daily, even if only for 15 minutes, is shown to lower stress levels and calm your mind.  There are so many options for exercise and now more than ever there are at-home options to help get you in shape.  Walking is one of the best exercises for you and doesn’t cost a thing. 

5.  Discover Hobbies or New Interests

When you were married you probably didn’t have much time to spend on things that interested you or that you found fulfilling.  Now that you on your own you can pick up that hobby that you let go of during the marriage.  Always wanted to try painting.  Pick up some art supplies and see what happens or take an art class at your local community center. 

If you have children, there will be times when they are with your ex and you are by yourself.  Finding new hobbies will help you with the loneliness you may feel when they are gone.  It’s also a great way to make new friends, which leads us to tip number six.

6.  Reconnect with or Make New Friends

One of the unfortunate parts of divorce is you are likely to lose some friends a long the way.  If you had couple friends, some may stay with your ex or you may find you drift away from your married friends.  Reconnect with friends that you might not have had time for when you were married.  It is also nice to make new friends, especially ones that have gone through a divorce too that you may have more in common with now.  It helps to have someone to talk to that understands what you have gone through and has experienced some of the same things as you.

7.  Change Careers

If you worked during your marriage maybe you don’t find that job fulfilling anymore.  Think about what motivates and inspires you and find something that aligns with your aspirations.  Did you take some time off from work while married to raise kids?  Divorce usually means that you have to go back to work, even if just part-time.  You may need to take a refresher course to update your skills or you may not want to continue with your old profession.  Perhaps you need something that is flexible with time or that your hours coincide with your children’s school hours.  Look at all your options and see what will make you feel good about going to work every day.

8.  Take Time to Relax and Recharge

It is OK to spend some time on the couch catching up on your favorite shows.  The hectic schedule that most people keep is hard to maintain without a little down time.  It is important to take time for yourself everyday to stay present and focused.  Whatever it is that helps you relax and recharge, meditation, walking the dog, reading, taking a bath, watching TV or just simply closing your eyes for a few minutes, carve out some time every day for you.

After divorce it’s easy to feel like things will never get better and you will be unhappy forever.  That isn’t true.  You have gotten through tough things before, and you will get through this as well.  It’s important to not dwell in the past.  Reflect on your marriage and how you can grow from it and then let it go.  If you keep going back to your past it makes it harder to be present in your current life and move on to your new future.  If you find that you are having trouble letting go, try talking to a friend, family member or therapist.  Working through it will help you put it behind you and focus on your future.

Divorce is just the end of this chapter in your life, not the end of you.  At Florida Women’s Law Group, we are here to represent women just like you to help you get through this and onto a better and happier life.

 

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