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Florida Women's Law Group

Guide To Online Dating After Divorce

Author: Florida Women's Law Group
Date: Sep 03 2021

Online Dating After Divorce

Does the thought of online dating make you shudder a little?  It’s understandable, browsing picture after picture looking for a perfect match seems daunting.  In the reality of dating these days, online sites can be your best source of possible partners.  There are dating sites for almost every conceivable niche, and you can set your search parameters for only people that fit your criteria.  Here’s how to make the most of online dating.

Getting Started

Remember that relationship map we suggested you make?  Now is the time to use it.  Can’t be around a smoker?  Don’t like cats?  Hikes and camping not your thing?  Only looking for older or younger?  Put all your preferences in your profile so you don’t waste time on deal-breakers.  We can’t stress enough to be honest in your profile.  Not being straightforward about your age or physical appearance is not a good way to start a relationship and the truth will always come out.  Believe me, you will meet some people who look nothing like their profile pictures and are a good 15 years older than they said, you don’t want to mislead potential dates in that way.  Be honest about being divorced and if you have kids but don’t dwell on them for too long.  The point is to get to know each other not complain about your divorce or ex.

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

We do suggest meeting someone for the first time in a place public.  You tell your kids stranger danger and the same applies to you.  Don’t let them know your home address or get in a car with them.  It’s always nice to meet for coffee or dinner but don’t be opposed to doing something outside of your comfort zone.  If they suggest dance lessons, rock climbing, a trip to the museum or some other activity that is not something you would normally do, don’t immediately discount it.  You may find you enjoy it and trying something new can be exciting.

Watch the Alcohol

A couple of drinks with dinner can help calm your nerves and make conversation a little easier.  Keep it at just a couple of drinks.  You don’t want to get drunk and say or do something you’d regret later.  Taking the edge off is one thing but becoming inebriated and losing your inhibitions could lead to trouble. 

Leave Your Phone in Your Purse

Our cellphones have become an extension of ourselves, and it has led to some not so desirable social behaviors.  When you meet someone, leave your phone in your purse.  You don’t need to put it on the table and constantly check it.  If you must, look at it a few times to make sure your kids are OK, other than that, let it alone.  It’s a huge turnoff if a date is trying to talk to you and get to know you and you are looking at your phone the whole time.  It screams that you are not interested.

Trust Your Instincts

If you see red flags, don’t ignore them.  Pay attention to how they treat the server and interact with other people, people’s actions say a lot about their true selves.  If something they say or do doesn’t sit quite right with you don’t ignore it.  You don’t want to talk yourself into overlooking red flags that will become problems in the future.  If you must rationalize something they say or do, it’s not a good sign.  Don’t settle, you’re better off alone then with someone who isn’t right for you.

Be Open-Minded

Don’t be so focused on what’s your type.  Just because you were once attracted to a certain type of person doesn’t necessarily mean you still are today.  You have changed and so have your priorities; the type of partner you want is likely to have changed as well.  Be open-minded about attraction as well.  It’s great if every time you see them you want to rip their clothes off and the chemistry is through the roof, but that fades with time.  Don’t dismiss the thought of a slow burn.  If they have qualities that you like and you enjoy being around them, but they don’t set you on fire every time you see them, give them a chance.  You may surprise yourself to find that as you get to know someone better, they become more and more attractive.  Real connections take time.

Have Fun

Last, but certainly not least, have fun!  There is no rush to get married again, take your time and enjoy yourself.  You don’t need to take it all so seriously.  Not every date is going to end up in a love connection and you will probably go on some pretty horrible ones too.  If anything, you come out of it with some funny stories.  Don’t pressure yourself to find the perfect mate, take it one date and one person at a time.  This is your time to be picky and find the person that truly makes you happy.

Divorce is just the end of this chapter in your life, not the end of you.  At Florida Women’s Law Group, we are here to represent women just like you to help you get through this and onto a better and happier life.

 

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