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Florida Women's Law Group

Married A Narcissist

Author: FWLG
Date: Mar 15 2021

Common Problems When Married to a Narcissist

In our previous post we discussed how to identify a narcissist.  As we addressed in that post, a narcissist is a master of manipulation.  They manipulate everyone in their life to constantly have their egos boosted and the narcissistic supply filled.  People do not set out to be in a relationship with a narcissist and probably do not even realize that they are being sucked into a narc’s warped sense of reality until they are entrenched.  Being married to a narc is full of emotional and verbal abuse that destroys self-esteem, confidence and leaves you questioning everything. 

A narcissist is a master of disguise and wears of mask of perfection that is charming, charismatic and magnetic.  Slowly that mask is lowered and you see the real person underneath all the charm.  When you are dating you will feel as if you have met your prince charming and are being swept off your feet.  Once he has you locked in prince charming is nowhere to be found.  Narcissists are not able to have loving relationships as they lack any empathy and have no concern for what you think or feel.  There are common problems in any narcissistic marriage that you may be experiencing.

Drastic Mood Swings – A narcissist can fly into a fit of rage over the smallest thing or something that did not bother them yesterday is now a huge problem.   Their moods are very unpredictable which has you feeling like you are walking on eggshells to not upset them.  This is one way they control you.  Your daily life becomes about keeping them happy and not upsetting them to keep the peace at home.  If you do upset them, they are ruthless and justify their behavior by saying it is all your fault.  One of their forms of punishment is the silent treatment.  It can last hours, days or weeks and once they have decided they are finished punishing you they will act like nothing ever happened.  You will start to doubt yourself, your actions and your words.

Emotional and Verbal Abuse To make themselves feel powerful they will emotionally and verbally abuse you all to tear away your self esteem and make you completely dependent on them.  When dating they may have flattered you and showered you with compliments.  Those words of admiration only come now when there is an audience or someone to impress.  Behind closed doors they belittle, criticize, humiliate, call you names, threaten and bully you.  It is all forms of degradation designed to break you down and control you.

Extreme Jealousy – One of them most common marriage problems is jealousy.  They need to always be the center of attention, especially yours.  If they think you are giving too much attention to another person they will fly into a jealous rage.  They will accuse you of flirting or being unfaithful.  However, the same rules do not apply to them, they are huge hypocrites.  They will often flirt with other women or talk about female co-workers with you to make you jealous and boost their self-esteem.  All of your focus and energy must be on them but the same does not hold true for their actions.

Complete Control – A narcissist gets power from controlling you.  They thrive on manipulating you and need to control every aspect of your life.  They will typically limit your access to money, read your texts and emails and cut you off from family and friends in order to isolate you.  As your self-esteem breaks down it makes him feel more powerful and possess greater control over you.

A narcissist comes in all shapes and sizes and some are more severe than others.  No matter their form being in a relationship with them is toxic and traumatic.  They will never admit that they are the problem or admit any fault.  Their bad behavior is always the result of someone else’s actions, usually yours, and they can be held responsible.  You will always be their scapegoat and you will never get an apology from them.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to get out of this abusive relationship.  A narcissist will never change, they can’t as they have no faults.  If you are waiting for them to change, you will wait forever.  Being in a relationship where you are constantly ignored and dismissed is not a healthy or positive relationship. Take the first steps to reclaim your life and call us today for a consultation.

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