Florida Women's Law Group
The Narcissist's Word SaladAuthor: Florida Women's Law Group
Date: Mar 15 2022
The Narcissist’s Word Salad
Almost everything a narcissist does is about manipulation. They are always manipulating someone whether it’s a spouse, friend, relative or co-worker to feed their ego and replenish their supply. Some people can see right through them but unfortunately, most get caught up in their cycle of abuse. If you have a narcissist in your life, then you know that arguments or even constructive conversations can be brutal and make you feel as if you are going crazy. It’s because they are manipulators and purposely twist any conversation to maintain control over the other person and deprive them of a voice.
The narcissist uses a word salad when they are confronted with something that they do not want to talk about or if they are being called out. You may have questions about their behavior or the relationship or they could pick a fight with you or say something mean. It does not matter how it starts or who started it, they twist your words and confuse you to the point that you are doubting yourself and your beliefs.
How to tell if you have been a victim of word salad:
Talk in Circles
The flashing, neon sign that you are in a word salad conversation is that you feel as if the narcissist is talking in circles and keeps bringing the same thing up over and over again. You make think that a point has been resolved and a few minutes later they are bringing it back up again, making the exact same points. They are trying to keep you engaged and keep it going so you get frustrated, accept blame, and end the conversation. They continually repeat themselves and there will never be a resolution.
Conversation Lacks Sense
As part of their word salad, they will throw random words and comments into the conversation that have nothing to do with what you are talking about and make no sense. This is to throw you off and distract you from the point you are trying to make. This confuses you and gets the conversation off on tangents that deflect from the main point.
Makes Excuses & Accusations
A narcissist is never wrong, and nothing is ever their fault. If you confront them about something they said, or did that was hurtful they will have a handful of excuses to explain it. Usually, their reason is because of something you did, therefore they turn it back onto you and blame you for their bad behavior.
They are also very good at projection and accusations. They will hurl insults at you that are really their own flaws. They will call you selfish, crazy, too sensitive, overly dramatic, a liar or irrational. They are projecting onto you, and you are forced to defend yourself and the spotlight is now on you and off them.
They never said it, they never did it, they were never there. You could have undeniable proof, pictures, recordings, it does not matter, they will deny anything and everything that may make them look bad. They could tell you something and then minutes later deny ever saying it. They deny to protect themselves from their flaws. This is a form of gaslighting you. By continually denying something it makes you question your reality and then you start believing that you are the problem. Word salad manipulation.
Patronizing and Condescending
As we have said many times before, a narcissist is never wrong. They are superior to everyone and by far the smartest person in the room. At least according to them. It would make sense that any argument you have with them they will talk down to you and treat you like a child. They will continue to talk in circles, blame you, use your words against you, all to try and get you fired up and exasperated. You get confused and flustered and the whole time they remain calm and condescending. When you react to it, they call you unreasonable or out of control.
The narcissist sees themselves as the eternal victim. They will consistently make excuses, blame others for their actions or deny it ever happened. These word salad conversations are designed to punish you for calling them out and will continue until you give up and accept that they were right all along. You will leave the conversation feeling emotionally drained and as if your concerns were never heard, leaving no resolution for you.
The result is you end up not engaging in conversations or bringing up things that bother you because you know it will end in the same way. You know nothing will be accomplished and your feelings will not be validated, and you will leave convinced the problem is you. They have conditioned you to stay silent and not challenge them, therefore they can keep their control over you.
There is a way to successfully get out of a marriage to a narcissist. The most important step is to have a plan. It is not easy to divorce a narcissist but with proper planning it can be done. At Florida Women’s Law Group, we have experience dealing with narcissists and know how to beat them at their own game. We can help you successfully get out of this relationship and start a healthier and happier life.